Dear Mr. Chan: CULTURALLY CURIOUS QUESTIONS CABBAGE WAFT

Dear Mr. Chan is written by Mr. Chan, also known by some as Lone Wolf or The Beast from the East. It is a semi-popular column which provides a unique perspective on any offhand topic.

DEAR MR. CHAN: When I work out, sometimes old sweaty Asian men will use the treadmill next to me. How come they always smell weird -- like vinegar and old cabbage? And is there a way to stop it from wafting my way? Thanks! -- Culturally Curious

DEAR CULTURALLY CURIOUS: You know, big man upstairs made everyone different.

For example, I always get compliments for smelling like freshly picked huckleberries. Maybe some people really like smell of delicious huckleberries, maybe some people don't like it...

But let's be honest, everybody likes it.

But let me assure you your problem with smelly old Asian men is not race related, but more dietary based. For instance, Mr. Chan went to gym last night, and white guy on elliptical runner next to me smelled like a box of Wheat Thins! So I think, maybe all white guys smell like Wheat Thins! Natural conclusion, right?

Then I look over...low and behold, he eating a box of Wheat Thins! Can you believe that one? Mr. Chan felt so bad.

So it sound like you just got some bad luck, ok? But let me share some wisdom with you...

Next time you go to the gym, try to use your nose for breathing, not smelling.

Write Mr. Chan at mrchan@misunderstoodman.com.

Dear Mr. Chan: SHOPPER IS DEVASTATED TO LEARN THERE'S NO MACY'S

Dear Mr. Chan is written by Mr. Chan, also known by some as Lone Wolf or The Beast from the East. It is a semi-popular column which provides a unique perspective on any offhand topic.

DEAR MR. CHAN: Why is your mall so ghetto? It's so run down and there isn't even a Macy's! The Stores at the Promenade are way better. -- Judy Dench (NOT the actress!)

DEAR JUDY DENCH THE ACTRESS: A couple things. First, it's not MY mall, I lease stall in the food court. Second, it not in the ghetto, it in the middle of nowhere! BIG difference. And three, there WAS a Macy's. They moved out 3 years ago. So I guess they couldn't cut it, ahhh??

You know, when I working, many many people come by and ask me, where's Macy's? Where's Banana?

First I say, do I LOOK like mall directory?

Then I say, every mall have those stores! Why you need to shop same stores over and over again? SO BOHLING!!

Horsetooth Fashion Mall provide unique shopping experience for all consumers!

How many mall have a 97-Cent Store? Bargain prices! And you can push shopping cart! How many mall have store like that, ahhh??

Why shop Victoria's Secret, when you can buy t-shirt with airbrush bikini body at Larsen's Gifts and Perversions!

Forever 21? How bout Forever 81...Medical Supplies!

Oh YOU want brand name shoe store? We have the only Buster Brown in the entire western hemisphere! (I think)

Also, in my humble opinion, we have the best international food court!

The Stores at the Promenade??

The Promenade YI GE PI!!!

Write Mr. Chan at mrchan@misunderstoodman.com, or post a question.